


Happy Birthday, Mrs Kanker (Redux)

by BarthVader



Series: In Which Eds and Kankers Interact Somewhere Between "Canon" And "Shipping" [10]
Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Comedy, Family, Gen, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-28 15:26:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarthVader/pseuds/BarthVader
Summary: Lee, May and Marie attempt to celebrate their mom's birthday, but some unforeseen complications force them to go the extra mile for it.





	Happy Birthday, Mrs Kanker (Redux)

**Author's Note:**

> Original story posted on 2015-08-14, the rewrite you're reading posted on dA and FF on 2019-07-14.

Marie tossed a rag into the water bucket and inspected the room.

All the furniture was dusted off, the books were arranged according to size, the table was covered with a clean cloth, a thick blanket was hiding the springs sticking out of the couch, and the floor was swept and washed.

She smiled with pride. "This trailer wasn't so clean since the las-"

"Coming through!"

The middle Kanker was knocked aside (and into the used water) by her younger sister running past. She threw something out the front door, closed it, and leaned against it. A muffled explosion could be heard outside, and a car alarm activated.

"What the _heck_ are you doing, May?" Marie growled, picking herself up off the floor.

"Well, I tried to make a firework for the evening."

"And what were you _supposed _to do?"

"Clean the upper floor, but-" _SCHWAP!_ She was interrupted by a dirty rag hitting her in the face.

"Then why are you _not _doing that, and instead trying to blow us up to kingdom come?!"

"Shut up, both of you!" The eldest Kanker sister stuck her head out of the kitchen. The other two turned to see their sister, and, to their bemusement, were able to look her in the eyes.

"Jeez, Lee, what happened to your hair?"

"Our oven happened." She spat, with an unamused expression. "But the casserole seems to be baking now. I can help you two out now if ya need me."

"Nice timing." Marie scowled, grabbing the rag and cleaning up the puddle of spilled water. "I'm almost done with my stuff. "

"The upstairs is cleaned too," May gave her sister a venomous stare, "as I tried to say before Marie slapped me with that rag of hers."

"Why won't ya mention-"

"Why won't both of you calm your tits?" Lee raised her voice. "Everything's done, we've got plenty of time to spare, we can just sit down and wait for Ma to come home. Relax. I'm gonna fix you tea if the kettle doesn't zap me."

"First I'm gonna try and fix that mess on your head." The blonde produced a pair of scissors and snapped it in the air a few times. "Snip snip?"

"Will you not snip-snip my ear this time?" Lee muttered.

A guitar riff blared in the room. The redhead produced a cell phone and glanced at the caller ID. "Ma's calling." She put the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Afternoon." A voice, sounding like Lee after smoking about one trotillion cigarettes, spoke on the other side of the line. "Am I interruptin' something?"

"Nah, we're just watching TV and doing sod all." Lee said, acting casual. "When are you getting back from work?"

"Yeah, that's why I'm callin'. I'm stayin' overnight."

Lee felt, for lack of a better word, deflated. "…'scuse me?"

"The night guard got sick and couldn't come, so I volunteered." the woman said. "It's an extra buck."

"But it's your birthday!" the redhead protested.

"A day like any other." Her mother replied. "I don't think not gettin' ran over by a forklift for twelve months warrants a celebration. Lunch break's over, see ya tomorrow."

Before Lee could respond to that in any way, her mother hung up.

Marie tossed the rag into the bucket again. "So, what's the deal?"

"_What's the deal?_" The redhead's phone got thrown downwards, making a dent in the floor. "I lose my goddamn fringe to this goddamn oven and then she calls to tell me _she's staying for a goddamn night shift?!_" She marched to the door and grabbed a baseball cap from the coat hook. "I'm _not _gonna leave it like this!" she announced.

"And what are you-"

"Be right back." Lee slammed the door behind herself.

"Do you think we should follow her?" May asked, kneeling down to pick up the phone.

"Either she's gonna do something about it, or she's gonna wreck something." Marie replied, a subtle grin on her face. "Either way, I wanna see it."

* * *

"Snacks!" Ed exclaimed, placing a massive bowl of popcorn on the table. Edd put an opened bag of chips next to it and pressed a button on the remote.

"Operation Bingewatch is a-go!" Eddy said, opening a large bottle of soda. "We've got something to munch on, something to drink, something to watch, and Kankers tampering with Ed's dad's car?"

"…pardon?" Edd reacted.

"Look!" he said, pointing at the three visible through the window. He shoved the bottle into his friend's hand and ran out of the room. Muttering expletives under his breath, he scooted through the house and burst through the front door, Ed and Edd trailing behind him.

"Hi guys!" May waved to them.

"What are you doing to that car?!" the stout boy screamed in response.

"Borrowing it." Lee muttered, focused on picking a lock with a pair of bent bobby pins.

"Borrowing?!"

"We're gonna give it back, don't worry." Marie reassured.

"What happened to your hair, by the way?" Ed asked the redhead.

"Ed, she's trying to steal your dad's car!"

"Yeah, I don't get it either. My mom's car's locks are easier to pick."

Eddy facepalmed. Lee discreetly nodded at her sisters to check out the other parked car.

"Monobrow," the stout boy muttered, annoyed, "this... isn't the right reaction to a situation like that."

"Can I try again?"

"Sure, why not?"

Ed ahemed. "I lied, they aren't easier to pick, I just like my dad more."

Eddy repeated the previous gesture with both hands.

"What?" the big guy reacted.

Then, the garage in Edd's house opened and a small vehicle rolled out of it. It was relatively narrow, a meter wide and a few meters long. It looked like a large door on wheels, with three seats taken from an old bus, placed in one column. The engine in the front wasn't covered, and a steering column was sticking out from behind it. Edd slowly approached the group, then pulled the brake lever and stepped out of it.

"What is this?" Marie asked, pins still in the car lock.

"Codename _Escape Plan_." the boy said, throwing in a little bit of flourish. "A simple gasoline-powered vehicle that I had constructed after the, cough, Mondo-A-Go-Go incident, on the off-chance the history repeats itself. It achieves its top speed of thirty miles per hour in 2 seconds."

"Yeah, very impressive, but unless you wanna lend it to us, I don't care."

Edd gave the redhead a disbelieving look. "Why do you think I brought it out?"

"...wait, really?" Lee couldn't believe her luck. "We can borrow it?"

"Appeasing you seems to be the quickest way to make you leave, so yes." he replied. "Just return it afte_oof!_" He was interrupted by a glomp from May.

"_Thankyouthankyouthankyou!_" she squeed.

"Great job, Chamberlain." Eddy remarked before turning to Lee. "Try to not break stuff in it."

"The vehicle or the smart guy?"

"_Both._"

An alarm blared from one of the cars. Marie promptly marched away from it, whistling to herself and looking elsewhere.

"Just… get outta here." Eddy growled, tired of the situation.

"Could I please be released?" Edd piped up. "I left the VHS tape running."

"...and the casserole's still in the oven." Realisation dawned on the ringleader Kanker. "How do I start that thing?"

* * *

"I'll give him credit," Lee said, holding the brake lever in her hand, "the frame absorbed most of the impact."

The three girls exited the vehicle, "parked" by a lamppost, and marched towards a warehouse outside the city limits. It was early evening, and so the parking lot in front of it was deserted, with the exception of the Kankers' mother's pickup truck. Marie walked to the small back door on the side and tried to open it, to no avail.

"You still got the bobby pins?"

"Yup." She pulled them out and stuck them in the lock. After a few seconds, the door opened with a satisfying click. The redhead entered, followed by the blue-haired girl and the blonde carrying the slightly-burned-but-still-edible casserole.

"It was weirdly easy to pick, wasn't it?" May remarked, as the three marched around the warehouse hall. It was empty and eerily quiet..

"They don't seem to store anything valuable here." her sister replied. "Store-brand foodstuffs as far as eye can see."

"Makes you wonder why they bothered with securi-"

Lee didn't finish the sentence; in the corner of her eye, she spotted someone hidden behind a stack of boxes swinging a weapon. She tried to block it with the brake lever she held on to, but she only managed to smack her sister behind her. Then, she got thumped in the head by a heavy flashlight.

"We surrender!" The remaining Kanker raised her hands - and by extension, the baking pan.

"Damn right you dooo_oo_-" a familiar voice trailed off, after realizing who did she just attack, "-oh, hell. What are _you_ three doin' here?" Mrs Kanker asked, helping her eldest daughter get up. "And what happened to your fringe, L?"

"Long story." Lee rubbed her head. "Bottom line is: happy birthday, we brought dinner."

The woman walked to May and took the casserole from her. "What you're sayin' is, you made a meal and went all the way here, just 'cause it's my birthday?"

"Yup." The three smiled. It wasn't one of the smiles they used to intimidate their 'boyfriends', those were honest smiles, smiles of people proud of doing the right thing for once, and happy about that despite the setbacks.

And their mother smiled too. "Ain't you the greatest daughters a bitter single low-income parent could hope for."

The four embraced each other. "You've got something where we can heat it up?" Marie asked.

"Yeah, bad news on that front." Mrs Kanker said. "The microwave's busted."

"Aw, for fuck's sake."


End file.
